


Hau Alone I Am

by Zed_Zalias



Series: Checkmate [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: AU - Hansenverse, Alternate Universe, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, Kind of drug reference with Lusamine and her abuse of neurotoxins, Mental Health Issues, Post-Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 06:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zed_Zalias/pseuds/Zed_Zalias
Summary: When the dust settles, all is right for Sun and Gladion.And all is wrong for Hau.With Lillie gone, his best friends evoking jealousy by spending more time either with each other or working than paying attention to him, and a series of strange events that leave him in charge of the Aether Foundation, Hau begins listening intently, searching for an answer. After hearing nothing but deafening silence for months, Hau hears a voice. It's coming from inside his head - But it certainly isn't his voice.





	Hau Alone I Am

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeadOfSpectre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadOfSpectre/gifts).



> I (used to) maintain the Lusamine RP blog beautiful-lusamine on Tumblr. This started out as a crack AU with just a few fics written by a good friend of mine about Lusamine being hunted by Chris Hansen, the host of TV's "To Catch a Local Predator." Which sounds really strange, I know. But I got to thinking, what if Hansen, the most ridiculous villain ever, was working for someone not so ridiculous? And yes, I know Hansen is a ridiculous villain. He's only a minor part of this story... And I'm going to push him out of the picture as soon as I can. I'm just saying: Hey, stick around, would you? I promise it'll get more serious.

Hau had dreamed of being a lot of things. He had always wanted to be a Kahuna, though. Every other desire was only a phase.

* * *

It had been about a week, and Hau hadn’t heard anything. He was only really concerned about not hearing from Sun, as he hadn’t much expected any word from Gladion - In fact, hadn’t really heard anything from Gladion in about a month. He worried tremendously about the boy. He was always holed up in the Paradise, working on some paperwork or something. He never saw the world around him, and on the rare occasions that Hau saw him he often looked terrible, usually astronomically worse than the last time - Which he always thought impossible until he saw it. Purplish-black bags under his eyes, lids that wouldn’t stay all the way up, an expression of terrible pain. Before Lusamine and Lillie had left for Kanto and placed the Aether Foundation in his possession, his face had never shown much more than general depression and an annoyance with the world around. But this… No, this face showed that he didn’t know if he could make it to the next day.

The only times Gladion ever looked remotely happy any more were those when Sun was around him. Sun had nervously told him that he and Gladion were… “Sort of a thing now,” as he had put it. Hau had been a little surprised at a few things. First of all, he had always assumed Sun was just asexual, aromantic, or perhaps both. He never imagined him being interested in other boys. But he didn’t press this. He was also surprised Gladion had chosen to even become friends with him, since he was so quiet and Sun was so happy and energetic all of the time. When he was around Gladion, though, he seemed to become quiet, too. Perhaps he knew something Hau didn’t. Maybe Gladion was sensitive to loud noises. Either way, he always smiled when Sun was around, and Sun always smiled when Gladion was around.

It wasn’t until a couple months afterward that Hau started to feel alone and alienated. Sun spent all his time at the Paradise, and on the rare occasion that he was home, his mother took almost all of his time. Not that Hau minded. She was his mom, after all. When Hau did see Sun, he always looked a little nervous and exhausted. When Hau had asked him about it, he had received a stuttered reply about how Gladion was very stressed out lately. Then, Sun had burst into tears, choking on air as he told about finding Gladion with a knife in one of the Paradise laboratories. Hau comforted Sun and never asked about it again.

It wasn’t problematic until Sun decided to move in with Gladion. Well… Sun always blushed and got nervous when Hau described it that way. He chose to say he was only moving into the Paradise to help Gladion with the duties of running the Foundation and to keep an eye on him. Hau had other questions, but he didn’t ask them, because Sun was starting to look a lot like Gladion. And, judging by the look of his eyes, he had already told his mom and it hadn’t exactly gone well. So, Hau just pushed the thought of rooms and sleeping arrangements to the back of his head. He wanted to be the excited friend, asking how things were going between the two, asking if they were going to share a room at the Paradise, had wanted to be a good friend to Sun. If the circumstances were any different, he would have.

“I, umm… Probably won’t be around much at all anymore.” He had said, his voice awkward.

“O-Oh? Yeah, well… I’m sure I’ll see you sometimes. Y’know, you’ll come back here, to like… See your mom and stuff.” Said Hau, his hands hanging heavily at his sides, fingers brushing each other awkwardly.

“Yeah, I… Yeah. I’m sure I will.” He gave an uneasy smile, and it was clear that the two were both lying. No, whatever chance of them being friends that had existed had died the instant they met Lillie.

There had been a hug, because both knew that it was apparent that it would never be the same between them. Sun felt pity for Hau, being the odd one out, and Hau pitied himself - Something he had never done in his life before. Lillie’s appearance - Meeting Gladion, the awful things Lusamine did, that final confrontation in Ultra Space, the effects of the toxins, Lillie leaving; their journey as a whole, and those they met on it, had forever created a rift between them - Sun was desired, Hau was not. Sun was the hero, Hau was the hero’s friend before he got his powers. Sun was the straight man, Hau was the one only there for comic relief.

Hau hadn’t really been happy since then. He still heard from Sun all the time, and sometimes Gladion, too, but he hadn’t actually seen Sun more than a couple times after he left for the Paradise. When he had, the meetings were short and awkward. There was a wound there that could never recover. The two could never be friends now, and they both knew it. Hau always tried to smile, to be polite - But inside he was fuming with rage, betrayal, hatred, even, and he hated it. But he couldn’t help what he was feeling, all he could do was hide it.

He needed to see Sun and Gladion  _now._  Right this instant… Because, to him, all that mattered was that the two were happy - Even if it meant he wouldn’t ever be happy again. He needed to at least know that those two were happy.

Hau had dreamed of being a lot of things. Now, though, he just wanted to see his friends again.

* * *

Hau had gone straight the VLFS after that, hoping to drag his friends out, and perhaps take them to dinner. When he got there, however, Gladion and Sun were nowhere to be found.

“Wicke! Where did the President and Sun go?” He asked, walking into her office.

She looked up at him and opened her mouth, searching for something with her eyes. She seemed to think for a moment, and then cleared her throat again.

“They left for Kanto a few days ago. They had to leave in a rush, Lillie contacted them to tell them Miss Lusamine’s condition had worsened.”

Hau didn’t know what to say. He felt totally betrayed. Sun knew. Sun  _had_  to have known - Had to have known that Hau would have given anything to see Lillie again, to say what hadn’t been… He knew, but hadn’t done anything.

“Th-Thank you, Miss Wicke. I’m - Do you know when they will be back?”

“I… Don’t, no. Sorry. But… I imagine they’ll either return when Miss Lusamine is better, or when she um… When she passes away.” Wicke cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Ah, I see. So it’s… It’s bad, hmm…?

“It - It… Yeah.”

Hau nodded. “Thanks, Miss Wicke.”

“No problem.”

And then, Hau left. He was going to get to Kanto… Somehow.

* * *

Hau had made it to Kanto, but only by the skin of his teeth. He had worked many extra hours at the Malasada café, had begged Hala, had taken a second job helping to run Ilimia’s trial - And now he was finally off the ship. He had gotten Lillie and Lusamine’s address from Wicke, and now he stood outside the house. He was a little nervous in the foreign region, but he breathed and calmed himself. This was Lillie, and he wanted nothing more than to see Lillie. He could do this.

He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Eventually, he lifted the handle and pushed, surprised to find that it was unlocked. He walked swiftly inside and was greeted with something that terrified him to no end.

Shattered vases, furniture turned over. Signs that the police had been investigating the house. Dread bubbled up inside the boy. Hau needed to get to the police station before he passed out.

* * *

“Gone,” They had told him. Someone had broken in - A thief in the night - And murdered Lusamine. They had left no traces of themselves and vanished. After that, the others were so distraught. Once the police told them there was no evidence left behind, they had left. Didn’t say where they were going, just that they needed time to process what had happened, needed to get away from where it had happened.

Hau had so many feelings.  _Lusamine…?_ ** _Dead…?_**  It couldn’t be.  _How is Lillie doing? Is she okay? What about Gladion?_ As much as Hau hated to admit it, though, the one thought that always bubbled back to the top of his mind was:  _Why is Sun with them, and I’m not?_

Hau  _hated_ being jealous. He didn’t experience jealousy that often, but when he did, it was torture to him.

Hau drowned his feelings in something he found that was like a Malasada, but without the feeling of home. He ate one after another, seemingly endlessly, and went to his hotel room, absolutely exhausted and with a killer headache. After failing to fall asleep, he stumbled into the dark bathroom, stood in front of the toilet, bowed his head, and  _vomited._

After that, Hau cried between intense stomach cramps that made him feel like he was dying, intense diarrhea, and bouts of vomiting. He eventually fell asleep with his head on his arm, which rested on the toilet seat - Just in case.

* * *

Something about the way the officer had explained things to Hau hadn’t sat well with him. There was a lie there, he was sure of it. He went back to the house, thanking all luck that it was still unlocked, and set about investigating.

There was no blood, no bodies, nothing. Just a house that looked like it had hosted a party it couldn’t quite handle. Finally, after hours of searching, Hau found the trapdoor on the floor. It was very well hidden, but easy to open. He climbed down the ladder slowly, fearing he would fall.

When he reached the bottom, there was a massive tunnel, with what looked to be a tram track. There was no tram. There was nothing.

* * *

“Yes, we lied. We’re terribly sorry, but we thought it was for the best.” The police officer said.  _Sorry? They were_ ** _sorry?_  **Here was Hau, feeling like he had lost everything in life, and they were apologizing for not telling him the full details of his friends’ whereabouts?

“We don’t actually know for sure that Lusamine was murdered. We think she may have taken the tram to escape the person coming after her. They did say she was pretty crazy and sick in the head by that time.”

“Did they go through the tunnel?” Asked Hau.

“No, we don’t think so.”

“Then nothing matters anymore. None of this.”

Hau turned and left the police station.

* * *

After waiting for 2 weeks, he decided it was over. He got the first ticket he could for a ferry back to Alola, and then he departed. There was no fanfare, there was no sadness - Just a boat ride, alone.

* * *

When Hau got back to Alola, the first thing he did was go to the Paradise. Again, his friends were not there. He didn’t know why he had expected anything different. Instead, he found Wicke looking through a beige folder. She smiled at him when he entered.

“Hello, Mister President.” She said.

“I’m not the President.”

She didn’t respond, only handed him an envelope.

Inside were two papers.

One was very official - Had the Aether Foundation stamp on it, and at the top it read  _From the Desk of Aether Foundation President Gladion and Assistant President Sun._  So  _that’s_  what he called his boyfriend whenever anyone asked why he was living in the Foundation now.

It was a lot of legal terminology that he didn’t understand, but his own name jumped out several times. He laid the letter down and read the next one. It was in Gladion’s simple, pretty, neat handwriting.

 _Hau,_  it read.  _I was very sorry to hear from Wicke that you had gone to Kanto just days before we got back to Alola. It’s a shame we missed you! Unfortunately, some things have come up. We are needed elsewhere. We are leaving indefinitely, and until we return, the Aether Foundation is yours. I have already completed all necessary paperwork to grant you all the power of the President and Treasurer until I revoke it. I hope you get back before we have to leave, so that we can see you, but unfortunately we can’t stay very long. We just can’t wait for you if you aren’t here soon. I don’t know when we will be back, but…. I think that it will be soon. I hope. We will surely miss you! Lillie says she can’t wait to see you again!!_

And on the right side of the page, in messy handwriting, was another message.  _Hey, Hau!!! I really, super duper, ultra miss you!!! I’m sorry this has come up, I’m sorry it had to be this way. But don’t worry! I will see you soon, I'm sure! Take good care of the Foundation, and when I come home to battle you I want you to be the Kahuna!_

The Kahuna. That seemed worlds away now… Hau was aimless. He had nowhere to go. Every direction led to a wall. His friends were on the other side, but he just couldn’t break through. And now this, too…  _President?_  And they were gone  _indefinitely?_ Yes, that was the word he had used - And Hau knew it meant he wouldn’t see them for a while.

Wicke smiled at him, and then gave him a big hug.

“I’m sorry… It must be awful.” She said, and beautiful perfume hung thick in the air.

Hau sniffled, and he hated how weak it made him seem.

“I know how it is. I miss Lusamine, Gladion, and Sun terribly…”

Hau just shook his head, bursting into tears. “No you don’t. You don’t have any  _idea_  how it is.”

Wicke didn’t say anything else. She just hugged him.

* * *

That night, Hau cursed himself for fucking things up - He could have seen the others, perhaps even gone with them and left Wicke in charge, if only he had just come back from Kanto sooner. He had been so  _stupid,_  and he hated himself for it. He hated himself so much that thin, angry red lines began to appear on his wrists - And they certainly didn't show up for no reason. Wicke might have noticed, she might not have. Hau didn’t care.

He didn’t even know why they hadn’t just left Wicke in charge, anyways. Perhaps they felt giving him the power made up for leaving him behind, gave him something to keep himself busy with while he waited.

It really didn’t.

* * *

Having Wicke around was nice, and eventually things kind of fell into a pattern. Hau made Wicke the Assistant President, and himself little more than a figurehead, dropping most of the real work on her. He just signed off on things she wrote. There was a quiet understanding between the two, because as Hau read more into the situation by talking to Faba and other Aether employees, it became clear to him that the relationship between Wicke and Lusamine had been a lot more than platonic. After that, Hau felt like an asshole. Of course she knew what it was like.

Wicke seemed to see something of Gladion in Hau - Which really worried him. He was always the antithesis of Gladion, but now…? 

Either way, Hau didn’t mind. He had always wanted to be a Kahuna - But that had been childish. No, staying here, waiting for his friends was more important. When they got back and saw how well he had handled the situation, they would never leave him behind again. He had to grow up. Kahuna could wait.

* * *

It was about two months before Hau realized they weren’t coming back. Now what would he do? There was nothing to do at the Foundation, going off the become Kahuna didn’t even seem like a dream of his anymore, and he couldn’t leave Wicke.

And then one day, when staring at a picture of Gladion, Lillie, Hau, and Sun together, it all clicked. He now understood that it had all been one person’s fault - If they hadn’t met one single person, he and his group of friends never would have changed. He dropped the photo noisily and looked up at Wicke from across the room.

“We need to find Lusamine again. Get her help.” Said Hau.

“We-We what?” Stuttered Wicke.

“Well, we’ve got all this money I don’t know what to do with. Why don’t we use it all to find Lusamine? Get her some counseling sessions, help her out… Plus, I have a feeling that we could use her as bait for Gladion, Lillie, and Sun.”

“Bait?”

“Yeah, you know. If we make it really public that we’ve got her, they’ll surely come back.”

“Well… Yes, but… I have a feeling we wouldn’t actually find her. I mean, as your Assistant President, I have to advise against using the funds given to us to use for the preservation of Pokémon’s lives and integrities to start a manhunt for Miss Lusamine.”

Hau thought for a moment, and then an idea came to him from the depths of his mind.  _No. I can’t,_  He thought.  _ **But you have to. It’s the only way. You know it was her who caused this all. If you could initiate a search for her under the false pretense of helping her, then fake her murder - Say the old thief came back to kill her, but really it was you or somebody you hired - And then use her death to lure the others back. Lusamine is gone, your friends are back, and you leave the Foundation in Wicke’s possession before going off on another journey with your friends.** But I couldn’t kill her!  **Actually, you could. You are in charge of the Aether Foundation now, idiot - All the money, all the networking, all the contacts, all the reputation - All the power.** Bu-But why can’t I just find Lusamine and keep her alive? Then she’ll go back to running the place like it always was, and we’ll go off on another adventure!  **Because she deserves to be punished. Don’t be weak, Hau. Punish her for taking your friends away. You know it was all her.** But she didn’t do it on purpose! It was just her and Lillie showing up that ruined the journey. She didn’t ruin it on purpose…  **Don’t be a coward. I can make you stronger.**_

Hau didn’t like the new voice in his mind, didn’t like it one bit. But… It was so strong, so smart, so passionate, so convincing… Hau hated it - But loved how it made him feel.

 _ **Listen, it doesn’t matter whether or not she did it on purpose. She took everything from you. Your friends, your happiness, your dreams, all of it. ~~We~~  can take her life in exchange, and your friends will never know. You can be there to comfort them in their hard time, and then soon enough you’ll all be together again. Right?**  _Hau had to admit it all sounded fantastic.  ** _Yes, it does, doesn’t it?_  ** _Wh-Who are you?! **I was only born a few weeks ago. I’ve had to take my time getting used to living in here with you, but it’s nice… Except for your cowardice. I can teach you how to make others respect you, for once in your life. No more pity, no more harassment… Just respect, and perhaps a pinch of fear.** How will you do that?  **Let me have control of ~~our~~  body for just a second. I’ll show you. Just go limp. **Oh… Um, okay…_

 ~~Hau~~  went limp, and then  ~~his~~  body snapped to attention like a marionette with its strings pulled taut - Only he wasn’t the one pulling anymore.  ~~His~~  mouth moved, but it felt foreign and alien. When  ~~he~~  spoke it seemed to come from all around  ~~him~~ , and was deeper than  ~~his~~  usual voice. Wicke didn’t notice, only  ~~Hau~~  did.

 ~~Hau~~  cleared  ~~his~~  throat loudly.  **“Wicke, must I remind you that I am acting President until Gladion returns? And, pardon me, but I don’t see Gladion anywhere. I also control what we do with the goddamn money, and _I_  say we’re going to find Lusamine.” **There was an edge of cold, icy steel to  ~~his~~  voice. Hau hated to hear it come out of the mouth that wasn’t his anymore, but  ~~Hau~~  continued.  **“Do I make myself clear?”**  Wicke looked absolutely shocked, opening and closing her mouth a few times.

“Err… Yes, of course. Yes, I’ll get someone on it.”

**“Get somebody from the International Police. Start a new division of the company dedicated to finding Lusamine and the others, and get some freelancers in here. We’re going to find her, no matter what we need to do for that.”**

“Yes, sir,” Said Wicke, looking like she’d seen a ghost. “Yes, I’ll… Talk to Faba and we’ll get right on that.” She hurried out of the room, and  ~~Hau~~  smiled at how scared she was. His body jolted, and Hau fell forward, almost hitting the desk with his head. He was panting hard.

“What - What the  _fuck_  was that?” He said to himself.

**_Only the beginning._ **

Hau gulped. He had given an inch, and it sounded like whoever this other voice in his head was would now take a mile, whether he liked it or not.

* * *

The search wasn’t going particularly well. It did terrible things to Hau’s mental health, but, then again, that wasn’t new. They still weren’t sure where Lusamine or her children were, and it didn’t seem like they were going to find out soon. However, whenever Hau questioned what he was doing, a voice would explain it to him again, reassuring him that this was the right path.

Hau honestly didn’t know if he believed that voice, though. He didn’t even know who he was anymore.

Hau had dreamed of being a lot of things. He had always wanted to be a Kahuna, though. Every other desire was only a phase.

But now…? Now, he had no idea what he wanted.

Before, he was alone.

But now, he had a teammate - A strong, smart, confident, and utterly terrifying leader who would guide him to victory, whatever that victory was.

For a while, he had wanted nothing more than to see his friends.

Now, he didn’t even know if he wanted that.

A voice inside him told him that he wanted to see Lusamine impaled on a knife held by  ~~their~~  hand, see her eyes as they rolled back and the light that was Lusamine went out.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted that, but the voice inside him was confident, helpful, and nice when he cooperated… So he did.

Because at that point Hau would have done anything to feel like he had a direction.

 

 

The voice told him that  ~~they~~  would be happy once Lusamine was dead… Hau just wasn’t sure he could trust that voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!


End file.
